Just about a decade back, relationships were not so complicated the way they are in today’s day and age. There was no question or confusion after the three magical words ‘I love you’ were uttered. The words would seal the commitment towards each other leading to marriage. Well, in most cases. That is not the case anymore. Words expressing of love are just not enough to confirm the status of a relationship. In today’s times, a person may love you but may not want to get married to you or get into an exclusive committed relationship. There are so many jargons around the term relationship which have come into existence. Let’s look into a few.

Situationship
This is the most dangerous and draining one, here two people are in love, they behave like normal couples but there is no commitment to marriage or for that matter if the relationship will sustain another day. It’s almost like friends with benefits.

Pocketing
Pocketing is where you keep your partner away from your social circle. Here the partner is hidden from the world which may lead to insecurity and overthinking of why the other person is hiding me from the world? Am I not good enough? Is my partner keeping the options open? These kinds of unsettling questions will not help build the relationship but rather ruin it. A relationship to grow requires peace and a commitment to grow together. When one partner is in constant doubt of not being good enough, that is where trust issues are bound to crop up.

Orbiting
This is where one partner breaks off all contacts with the other person in real life but continues following the person on social media platforms and interacting with their post and stories giving an illusion of still being interested but with no intention of getting back or committing.

Breadcrumbing
This is where one person gives just enough attention to the other person just to keep the person in the loop. There is no real commitment or attachment.

Benching
This is keeping a person on standby while dating another person actively, the person who is on the bench is usually unaware of the other person’s dating life.

These different subbranches of relationships that are in existence are alarming. Though some may find it cool, it has raised the bar of mental health issues shockingly high. The number of people seeking therapy has increased like never before. In every relationship, there’s always one person who loves more than the other and it’s always that one person who gets hurt. The new fancy jargons to not commit may cause long term emotional damage to the one who is full of hope and madly in love.

Relationships to sustain need commitment, investment of time and respect. Not willing to give the partner any of the above and terming a relationship differently and wanting only physical intimacy is putting the partner in a bad spot emotionally, which can have long term repercussions on a person’s mental health.

It’s surprising to see that there’s something called DTR ‘define the relationship’. Ten years back such terms didn’t exist. When two people were together it was a stated fact that they would fight all odds and test of times and make the relationship work, but now that is not the case. After the initial ‘I like you’ to ‘I love you’ to ‘I miss you’ what is beyond? Where does the couple stand when the honeymoon phase is over? It’s ok to sit the partner down and know where you stand in the person’s life, ask relevant questions like; are we exclusive? What are your intentions with me? Do we have a future? Such talks may be exhausting, but it’s better to talk it out, rather than be sorry later.

Many of us do not move away from our current partners due to the familiarity the person holds and the fear of starting fresh. After all a known devil is better than an unknown angel. One should never give up on a relationship, but when a person is not able to commit, they should not be afraid to move on. It’s ok to not want to start all over again, but it’s not ok to remain in a place of uncertainty, cheating or disrespect.

• By Sandhya Krishnan, a psychotherapist, child and adolescent counsellor.