Many of you remember your parents toting you along to dinner parties throughout your childhood. If you were lucky, there were other kids to play with, but either way, you probably passed out on a sofa or in a guest bedroom, the background noise of chatter, music, and laughter lulling you to sleep. Once your parents finished their late dinner and said multiple rounds of goodbyes, they’d swoop you up and take you home in a dazed state, and everyone would sleep in a little later the next morning.

What this common memory shows us is that humans are tribal, and we all feel the need to gather together periodically to loosen our neckties, break bread and feel connected with our peers. When I moved from the U.S. to Chennai, I was startled at how often Chennaites got together for such events, from casual hangouts in pyjamas to cricket match viewing parties to fancy themed soirees at 5 star hotels. A multitude of factors makes it easier for us to meet up without needing much notice, and everyone certainly takes advantage of this to maximise their social life.

However, as we grow older, we have less time and energy for attending parties both big and small. After a long day of work or domestic duties, collapsing into the couch with your spouse and kids feels more nourishing than getting dressed to go out, imbibe alcohol, and make conversation. Introverts especially find it exhausting to initiate and maintain small talk, even if it is with familiar friends. That said, FOMO is a real affliction that affects most of us, and many people force themselves to attend gatherings even if they are not in the mood because they don’t want their bonds with others to weaken and eventually fizzle out.

Thus, the dilemma arises in which our tribal selves want to remain connected with others, but are tired of the usual party format: over-emphasis on alcohol, food served unreasonably late, and conversations dominated by the garrulous few who have no qualms about speaking about themselves in a steady monologue while others try to get a word in. Okay, that might be a little too cynical, but even if you are lucky to be friends with well-mannered conversationalists, sometimes even extroverts don’t feel like talking about the usual safe topics like kids, travels, and work stress.

So how can we keep gathering to keep connections strong, without it feeling stale and obligatory? The power lies with the host. If you are willing to take a creative approach to your next party, you can infuse it with a new energy that your guests will love. I will get you started with some ideas that work for any crowd, and hopefully you will be inspired to try different ones that suit your crew. I have to give credit to my mother-in-law Dr. Vijailakshmi Acharya for introducing to me the concept of a party twist and for the first one below, which she came up with all on her own, delighting her guests and inspiring me to write this column.

Say it with a Song
This party twist works for various occasions, like celebrating someone’s birthday, a couple’s anniversary, or Valentine’s Day. If the party is for a birthday, request each guest in advance to pick a song that reminds them of the birthday boy or girl, or that they would dedicate to them. Have the guests send you the song title and artist and make a playlist of their selections; bonus points if everyone can keep this a secret from the person who is being celebrated. Once everyone has arrived and gotten their drinks, gather them around and explain that each person will introduce their song with the reason for or backstory of why they chose it. This is a fun upgrade on the usual birthday toast because those can be trite, or vague, and many people don’t feel comfortable speaking in front of a crowd. Instead this is like having the song do the talking for you, and your short introduction will flow easily because you’ve already put some thought into it, or you might have a hilarious story in which this song was a backing track. The guest of honour will feel so special for the forethought that has gone into this, and may be surprised at what songs their friends associate with them.

The same format works when the theme of the party is an anniversary celebration or Valentine’s Day, except each half of a couple chooses a song to dedicate to their partner. My mother-in-law made it even cuter by decorating a chair and keeping it at the front of the room, and whoever was about to introduce their song sat in the chair first and gave their explanation from it. Indians tend to shy away from mushiness or public displays of affection, so this is a rare opportunity for couples to express their feelings in front of their friends, and for friends to get a deeper glimpse into each other’s relationships. The best part is you can keep it silly and light, or deep and romantic, depending on your comfort level. It’s also rare these days for people to sit around enjoying music together, paying attention to the lyrics and singing along. But those who like to chat can also carry on side conversations, so it’s a win-win for everyone whether a quiet type or a chatty Kathy. Before you know it, two hours have passed by with everyone gathered as one group instead of smaller factions, the short speeches contributing to the spirit of love and camaraderie.

PowerPoint Party
When we revert to the usual safe conversation topics I mentioned earlier like kids and work, we can meet the same person over and over again without getting to know any of their quirks or niche interests. The concept of a PowerPoint party has been around for a long time but really took off during the pandemic, when everyone learned how to use Zoom and share their screen. However these parties are even more fun in-person; all you have to do is ask everyone a week or so in advance to prepare a 3-4 minute slide deck presentation. The topic can be on anything their heart desires, with some hosts saying the sillier, the better. You could do it on a conspiracy theory you believe in, on a TV show you love, with a deep dive into character development or plot inconsistencies, or on anything peculiar and random, like the thoughts a high person would have! Some examples from cnn.com of presentations people have done include “Top Ten Attractive Animated Characters” and assigning each friend/party guest a Taylor Swift song that matches their personality.

Making your party guests the subject of the presentation makes it interactive and hilarious, like ranking how long you think each person would survive in The Hunger Games, or reasons why each friend would end up in jail. Even close-knit, long time friends end up pleasantly surprised and amused at how their buddies perceive them. Otherwise, if you have a hobby or interest that has never come up in conversation, this is your chance to share it and let people see that you have layers. The 3-4 minute time limit is a way to ensure that no one hogs the stage too long, but most people enjoy making the presentation so much that it goes longer, with lots of pauses for laughter. As far as technical set up, it’s awesome if you can present the slideshows on a TV or big screen, but don’t over think it – sitting around the table with a laptop in the center suffices just fine.

Spelling Bee
Aside from sports, there are few opportunities for adults to compete against each other, and lots of people love a little friendly competition which is why game nights are popular. If you’re up for a little preparation beforehand, you could kick it up a notch by hosting an adult spelling bee with 6 rounds, the words getting more difficult with each round. Aside from making the list of words, you can have guests wear name tags to bring in an element of official spelling bees, and don’t forget a prize for the winner! Feel free to add non-traditional touches like allowing each contestant one phone-a-friend lifeline, or if your guests like to throw ‘em back, make them do a shot when they misspell a word and exit the competition. Nadia Learns is a TikToker whose “Spelling Bee Soiree” went so viral that she now sells a kit with everything you need to throw your own. She advises that you keep the number of guests between 6 and 16. She also insists you send invitations so that guests don’t expect an elementary-school level bee, and arrive sharp and ready to spell their hearts out! Just as with the other party twists, the night will fly by in a flurry of competitive fun, with everyone participating in spelling, cheering, and ribbing.

I’ve always said that to throw a successful gathering, you don’t need fancy decorations, expensive imported foods, or anything else over-the-top. The only requirements are food, drinks, comfortable seating, background music, ambient lighting, and most of all, hosts that are attentive yet relaxed. But if you want to evoke some childlike excitement in your guests, or give the introverts a break from forcing small talk, or simply shake up the format so that it doesn’t feel monotonous, make the small effort it takes to execute any of the above party twists. You will be amazed at how simply having a shared activity and the slightest air of ritual and formality increases the fun quotient tenfold, and makes your event one that guests remember for years to come. Happy hosting, dear Provoke readers!