I am writing this column from my hometown of Tampa, Florida, U.S.A. With a great deal of guilt I left my kids, husband, and marketing job during India’s busiest season to fly all the way here to attend my 20 year school reunion. As I’ve mentioned before, but should explain again for new readers, I was born and raised in the U.S. with no intentions of ever settling elsewhere, until I met my husband while on a gap year in Chennai and was compelled by love to change the course of my life. I left behind a circle of friends built and strengthened over many years, and entered into Chennai society as a newbie amongst its own decades-long friend groups.

Because of this, I have always ruminated on the subject of friendship. I’ve observed that when people stay connected to childhood friends, it breeds a love and loyalty that persists even if their lifestyles and interests diverge with time. There is also a “friends like family” intimacy that comes from these long-term friendships: treating each other’s houses like your own, knowing you can call them in the middle of the night for help with an emergency, and being able to dive right into conversation without any formalities. While it is entirely possible to make these deep friendships as adults also, it is nowhere near as easy. Adults have far less free time, while young people meet daily in school. Adults are moderate and reserved when getting to know each other, while kids are open and vulnerable from the start. Thus, it saddened me to move so far away from the people who knew me throughout my formative years. Pausing my life and travelling so far to attend this reunion shows how important it is for me to remain connected to them even in a small way.

Some people may find it strange to be so attached to a former life, or see it as evidence that I am not totally fulfilled in my current one. I’m in touch with two other schoolmates from the same batch, and when I told them my plans and caught them up on the lives of our once-mutual friends, they seemed aloof, disinterested, and wondered why they should care what these people were up to. I realised that the contrast in our attitudes was because while I look back on those years fondly, they, in retrospect, view it as a time in their lives when they were unseen or misunderstood.

Along with the openness and vulnerability of children that I mentioned earlier, there is also insensitivity, judgement, and clannishness that can be incredibly hurtful to anyone on the fringes. It’s understandable that anyone who felt that way does not care to revisit that time by interacting with people from it. But on the other hand, cutting ties altogether deprives you of the chance to heal any of those wounds. It also prevents you from reigniting any of those long-term friendships – even if you felt isolated at times, most likely you had a friend or two who kept you going. Losing touch with them because of an overall negative feeling about that stage of life is a sad outcome that denies you the benefits of those olden, golden connections. It is worthwhile to keep in contact with people who know your history and growth, because they remind us of how far we’ve come, or how far we’ve strayed from our true selves.

For example, after I had my children, I went through a low period of postpartum depression and anxiety. I had made good friends in Chennai, who were there for me. But while they simply saw me as a mom struggling with sleep deprivation, it was one of my school friends who observed that I had undergone a drastic personality change. He remembered me as confident, with strong self-esteem and an I-can-handle-anything attitude. So, it alarmed him when he heard me sounding full of self-doubt, and it was his telling me this that reminded me of who I once was, and how I would have to work to find my way back there.

Some of you may be reluctant to reach out to such old friends because it has been so long, and you are embarrassed at being the one who stopped responding. I urge you to ignore that feeling and simply send a text or email saying you know it’s been ages but you still think about them and would love to know how they are doing. Most adults don’t keep score of who made the effort last; instead, we are pleased to hear from old friends and even acquaintances, as nostalgia is a human trait, and we enjoy the flood of memories that come back, reminding us of simpler times.

Another reason for losing touch is having a busy life with work and family responsibilities. Your trips back to your hometown became less frequent, and even when you did make it there, you didn’t have the foresight to contact old buddies to make plans. But if you’re in a position to take the occasional girls/boys trip, and do so with your current friends, why not try the same with your school chums? Anything is possible with enough planning and an enthusiastic ringleader, and everyone will be surprised at how easy it is to pick up from where you left off without any awkwardness.

You might be wondering what is the point of reconnecting when you are perfectly fulfilled by your current friendship and community. Why keep tabs on someone who you may see once every few years at the most? The answer is that such people know you in ways that your current peers never will. Our childhood friends knew our parents and siblings, our family traditions, our fears, quirks, and bore witness to milestones in our life like our first crush. Just one hangout session of reminiscing can bring back a forgotten memory of your parents, or make you realise that you used to do the same things that your child does now which drive you crazy. The openness and trust that we revert back to with old friends can lead to deep sharing that feels good and cathartic.

Take this as a sign to join that WhatsApp group of your former classmates, or to RSVP “yes” to your upcoming reunion, and initiate some conversations with old pals. The years invested in those friendships will continue to pay off, and you’ll understand why they say “old is gold.” Happy reminiscing, Provoke readers!