As children and teenagers, we have ample opportunity to try our hand at a range of extracurriculars, encouraged by our parents and teachers to find an activity that we are passionate about. Over the years, our focus narrows, and we may continue to dabble in one of these hobbies at most, on and off. Once you are an adult with a job and a family, it becomes difficult to make time for anything that isn’t considered “productive”. Mothers in particular have precious little free time, and there is an implied standard for what is an acceptable way to spend that time. Exercise is one sanctioned activity because everyone is now aware that it is essential for our health. But what happens when a mother decides to try a new activity; one that is not purely for exercise, or that has the potential to make her money, but simply makes her feel good? Would her family accommodate this new interest by extending themselves to help out more with the kids, or would they expect her to squeeze this into her minimal free time while keeping her home duties as the top priority?

And what about the intimidation factor of trying something new when you are 40? These are all questions I had for two of my friends who did exactly this. Mridula Joseph is a working mom of two children, aged 8 and 5. She started attending pole dance classes on a whim, and one year later, it has become something important enough to her that she will skip socialising and wake up at 6:00AM on Saturdays to attend class. My other friend Divya (who prefers to keep a low profile, hence the first name only) is also a mother of two, and she runs her own business. At 39, she started taking salsa classes, and this has grown into a passion that has even taken her abroad to participate in dance festivals.

I have watched these two in admiration, and they stand out to me apart from the many mothers who play sports and exercise regularly for a few reasons. One is that both forms of dance could be considered controversial in our conservative society; pole is generally known as a feature of gentlemen’s clubs, and salsa is a sensual, somewhat intimate dance performed with a partner. Another is that many of their peers in these two classes are in their 20s, some in their teens, and while my friends are in excellent shape, it is still noteworthy that they keep up with and even outdance women who are half their age. Finally, to get to the level of skill they have achieved, consistently attending classes was a must. But mothers are the ones who are expected to drop everything to be at home when needed, when other childcare plans fall through. So, for Mridula and Divya to give themselves the permission to prioritise attending class, asking their partners to do their bit to make this possible, and to forgo attending parties or getting some much needed rest, shows admirable dedication and how there really are no excuses–if you want something, it’s in your hands to make it happen!

I’ve condensed their answers to my questions below; read on for some inspiration from women just like you.

Mridula – Mother, Creative Director – Copy, Pole Artist
I had been following Anusha Swamy’s journey as an influencer and pole artist for a while. I’ve always wanted to try it, given that both dance and strength training were part of my background. When she started classes so close to my place, I took it as a sign that I should try it out. I was definitely concerned about judgement and still tell my 82-year-old mother that I go for “dance class” and not pole class! Even some friends made comments suggesting that the main appeal of this class was to wear skimpy clothes and do sexy moves. But I can’t change everyone’s perception of pole; I do it because I like it, and believe it takes tremendous strength and flexibility. To me, it is a beautiful art form. My husband and I juggle our schedules so that we can both do our extracurricular activities while also being there for our kids. I’m also very lucky to have a capable nanny. Everyone knows how important my classes are to me so they are very supportive. As for starting at age 40, I thought having a background in dance would help me, but pole has been humbling. The younger members of our class are able to pick up bendy, twisty moves much more easily. Comparing myself to them used to cause a lot of insecurity, but now I’m learning to just go with the flow and enjoy the process instead of getting caught up in my head. Especially because pole has been an immense source of joy for me in the midst of all the other stress in my life. Although I feel disheartened when I am not able to execute some moves, nothing compares to the feeling of accomplishment I get when I master a move after working at it. Plus, we have a really amazing group of women who cheer each other on and pump each other up. It’s a totally non-competitive, empowering space for women, led by the crazy talented Anusha Swamy and her team of skilled female coaches. Spending time, growing, and learning together has made all of us close and it’s so nice to have a group as supportive and fun as this. More than just pole, it’s the Pole Camp family that keeps me motivated to keep coming back.

Divya – Mother, Business Owner, Salsa Dancer
I’ve always enjoyed all forms of dancing, but got into salsa because I liked the music and found the dance style very appealing. I had just finished taking part in a play; an experience I enjoyed so much that I found myself feeling sad once it ended, so I looked to dance class to fill that gap. I didn’t want to do partner dancing initially because I knew it would be challenging, so I started with solo classes where we learned the moves and styling. As for starting dance class at my age, I actually wasn’t insecure about that at all because my classmates’ ages range from the 20’s to 40’s. In fact, I would say I felt secure about starting something new because I was finally at a stage where my home, life and business were sorted and stable enough that I could take some time for myself.

It has not been a challenge to balance my commitment to class with my family life; we have our family time together and dance only occurs outside of those times. But I do feel strongly that salsa is unfairly stigmatised as being sexual, when really it is a respectable art form that requires so much technique. I’ve tried explaining this to friends, but at the same time I do not feel it is my role to educate people. As for my children, they think it is cool that I dance and even told me that I live a very interesting, far from boring life! I was pleased to hear that because it is not something I’ve claimed about myself, but was purely their observation. I also love that seeing me pursue my passion has them open to doing the same, and to keep nurturing their artistic side. With regards to sharing childcare duties with my husband, we definitely have an equal household in which the other parent steps up when needed. For example, my husband is passionate about photography, so I held down the fort when he travelled to attend a photography course, and he does the same when I want to attend a dance festival. But we are also lucky to be Indians who have family around as well as domestic staff that help with childcare. Overall, I feel that it should be a priority for everyone to hold onto something that interests you–it is not a luxury but a necessity, because it feeds the soul, and mothers more than anyone need that extra nourishment to be able to handle the immense responsibilities they have. Once your cup is full, only then you will be able to fill others’ cups, so go out there and find the thing that fills you up!

As you can see, age and parental responsibilities should never hold you back from trying something new or making time for something you love. I hope you feel inspired to pursue your passion, and enjoy the fulfilment that follows!