case in point, consider the extravagant wedding that recently took place in our community. The celebration featured the vibrant melodies of Sangeet, the intricate artistry of Mehendi, and a plethora of festivities that dazzled the senses. The splendor of the occasion was visible in the lavish attire of the bride, who wore an intricately designed Ghagra, a piece likely to gather dust in a closet after the ceremonies and in the striking white gown with its long train for the reception. The wedding planner had curated two days of joy and celebration with such elegance that every guest felt immersed in the experience. Return gifts were opulent; beautifully decorated boxes filled with high-quality dry fruits and sweets became tokens of appreciation that seemed as lavish as the event itself. The professionals hired for the occasion from photographers to beauticians and mehendi artists—were dedicated and focused, ensuring every moment was captured and embellished.
Yet, just a week after the festivities, I found myself visiting my friend, eager to share in the viewing of the wedding album and videos. What struck me immediately was the contrast between the joyful occasion and the stark reality faced by the newlyweds’ parents. My friend, in her mid-fifties, alongside her husband who had just crossed sixty, appeared utterly fatigued and burdened by stress. The wedding had come at a staggering cost of 28 lakhs, with their financial commitment deepened by a loan of 15 lakhs. They were encumbered by existing obligations such as the EMI for the flat they had purchased fifteen years prior, not to mention the car loan incurred when they decided to upgrade from a humble Swift to a more spacious Innova.
A working woman in her early fifties and her husband—a retired man still consulting—now seemed trapped in a financial spiral that would likely follow them for the rest of their lives. All this effort was ostensibly for the sake of their little princess, who desired a lavish wedding—a monumental once-in-a-lifetime event that seemed worth every penny. This well-meaning sentiment reflects a societal shift; gone are the days when sons were the primary focus and daughters were overlooked. We collectively embraced the need to empower women, fostering a philosophy that encouraged the equal treatment of children, whether son or daughter. Good education, successful careers, and the capacity to stand on their own two feet became the hallmarks of modern parenting.
However, the question remains: what of the women of previous generations?
They too received education and ventured into the workforce, achieving financial independence but facing their own sets of challenges. These were the women who juggled careers, household responsibilities, and the upbringing of children, often burdened with the expectation to maintain traditional roles. Cooking, cleaning, and caring for the family largely fell on their shoulders, while the men of the house occasionally participated in household chores, a gesture they referred to as “helping.” However, the notion of help implies an optional contribution rather than an inherent responsibility. The irony is palpable: if a woman serves as a breadwinner for the family, is she simply “helping” her partner in his responsibilities?
The desire to empower our daughters has resulted in a paradox: as parents, we shielded our children from learning vital life skills such as cooking and cleaning. The little princesses were spared from these chores, while the princes in the family received similar exemptions. Consequently, neither learned to fend for themselves. Women’s empowerment has become synonymous with luxury, overlooked are the essential skills of self-care and practical independence. This leads to a budding conflict; the desire to start families and marry leads to expectations that traditional roles are fulfilled by others, often their mothers or mothers-in-law, who are expected to step in seamlessly to partake in childcare and household management.
Is being financially independent the sole marker of true empowerment? Shouldn’t both men and women aspire for a practical and financial independence that extends beyond mere earnings? If the ultimate goal is to find others to take care of domestic duties, can one genuinely consider themselves empowered? Accepting help is one thing, but evading personal responsibility is another.
Witnessing middle-aged parents continue to work as hard as they did in their youth, all while lacking the comfort of support that their own parents or in-laws once provided, reveals the societal imbalance that persists. These women, who ventured into the workforce while caring for their households, often faced criticism from mothers-in-law who had remained at home. They scrambled to return from work to prepare hot meals for families that had grown accustomed to waiting. Many of these women did not realize that their financial contributions did not equate to empowerment. Driven by a desire to uplift their daughters, they missed the crucial step of instilling communal responsibility in both their sons and daughters, failing to teach them that household tasks are collective responsibilities, not just relegated to one gender.
Today, divorce rates are on the rise, particularly within the first few years of marriage. Many couples face the harsh reality of financial burdens incurred from extravagant weddings without the accompanying emotional maturity or skills necessary for a lasting partnership. Instead of instilling responsibility in our sons, we have unintentionally taught our daughters to relinquish theirs, promoting a life that often seeks comfort over responsibility and convenience over hard work. By mimicking cultures that only align with their lifestyle desires, without fostering a sense of duty toward each other, we risk perpetuating cycles of dissatisfaction within marriages.
Observing women in their forties and fifties still grappling with the strains of balancing careers, spousal needs, and parenting reveals a troubling truth: even in homes where the roles of king, prince, and princess are delineated, the wife often bears the unseen burden of queenhood. Thus, amidst the sparkle of empowerment lies a vast landscape of responsibility that has yet to be fully navigated. As we steer our families through this complex interplay of modernity and tradition, it is vital to recognize that true empowerment cannot exist without a comprehensive understanding of responsibility and a commitment to nurturing an equitable and supportive family dynamic.