In December 1999 the world population was frantic, anticipating a problem called Y2K (Year 2000). This was because, computers coded in the 1960s used only two digits to represent the year; for example, ‘74’ meant 1974. As the millennium approached, the year 2000 would be read as ‘00’ and the question arose: how would the computers react? Almost all the industries were computerized – Hotels, Banks, Airlines…you name it. People expected flights to drop down if they were mid-air when the clock struck 12.00. Can you imagine the frenzy and the fear that could have existed? Of course, none of the predicted problems happened, there were some minor hitches. Around the same time, my son was diagnosed as autistic, and I expected a Y2K crisis in my life. Did it happen? No, nothing major – just a few hitches.

Many times, in life, things seem bigger than they are. They seem tougher, and we don’t venture, thinking we can’t do it. However, the universe can get us to do things we usually avoid because they seem difficult. After some time, when you look back, you wonder how you managed to carry it off so easily. So, you see the universe does not give you more than you can handle, and autism is not something to run away from.

My journey with my son has been a rollercoaster but it has been no different with my 18-year-old neurotypical daughter. So then, what makes autism more challenging?
The first step for parents is acceptance. Does it mean accepting their socially difficult behaviors, or correct the most inappropriate ones? And how much should be attributed to autism? There is a thin line between these and most parents grapple to find the balance. There are no right or wrong answers. You do what you do, but how you feel when you do it is all that matters.

I would like to share my experience not only as a parent, but also one who has been part of the community of parents of autistic children. These experiences have helped me become a better human, and let my son grow acknowledging his label but not letting it define him. The challenge is not to push your child to achieve but to trust them to take the right route. I even speak for the “non-verbal” autistic kids.

I have seen heartbroken parents who stay so for the rest of their lives, crushed under the weight they carry on their shoulders. They literally wrap their lives around their autistic child, and all they have is the label and the problems that come with it. Quoting from the web series “The Good Doctor,” lets focus on,
“What people can do more than what they can’t.”

In my book “Decoded” I have written that autism is the future of the world. You may call it fantasy, science fiction or whatever, but with the growing ratio of autistic kids to neurotypical kids, the world may one day be filled with only autistic people. Do you think then they would perish? I don’t think so. Maybe, as all religions predict, when the earth has seen its worst of wars, destruction, and inhumane acts, there will come a time when goodness alone exists. Nothing fake, no hypocrisy, and no jealousy or anger. (Sounds like autism, right?)

Autism is not an error in the operation system, it is simply a different operating system that we have not decoded. Maybe we never will, but accepting that it is a parallel universe filled with more humanity and truth – and respecting the law of nature as we find the balance between our world and theirs – is a beautiful journey. I would like to share many wonderful moments that I experienced.

The most touching experience was when my son was about 7, and we had already switched him to four different schools. He had joined a learning center, which included kids who had Learning Disability, Dyslexia, etc, along with a few autistic kids. This also meant that most spoke well and don’t have many behavioral issues. My son was verbal but was not able to comprehend much and struggled to communicate things in detail. He loved roti rolls that I packed for lunch but always had a challenge finishing his because he had oral sensitivity, and could not suck, blow or chew very well. I was the therapist – yet he was slow to chew.

He started asking for extra rotis for his classmate Lakshmi (Name changed). I always packed three extra for her and once questioned him as to what she bought for lunch. He never replied. One day he wanted us to bring her home. I told him that her parents would not agree and it is not right to do so. He immediately turned to me and said, “You be her mom.” I tried to explain how her mom would feel, how it was not right to take away someone else’s child, and how I would feel if someone were to take him away from me. I assure you; he could not comprehend anything of what I said. He finally asked me if I could become Lakshmi’s mom. I was exasperated and did not bother to explain anything.

My son spent most of his weekends with my sis and brother-in-law and the next weekend, he promptly asked my brother-in-law if we could bring Lakshmi home. He asked me if he could go to the school and ask for Lakshmi’s parents and I stopped him short. I think my son continued to ask him and he kept telling him that his mom is a monster and wouldn’t allow it.

I usually shy away from parent-teacher meetings because the teachers complained about my son’s behavior. (Back then the awareness was so low that even the special schools complained about the kid’s behavior.) This time, however, there was a special note and I had to go. My son was a hyperlexic kid. (the opposite of dyslexia) which means he could write effortlessly. His ability to spell even the big words was great, and in hindsight, I think he would have excelled in spelling bee contests. He would never sit in class and his teacher had punished him. Though he could never comprehend lessons and give the right answers, he was always good in spelling tests, but since he was angry with the teacher who punished him, he decided to do badly. So this is how he made spelling mistakes, riverrrrrrrr, routeeeeee, buildingggggg. Can you see his challenge? He could never create or think up of a wrong spelling, he could only make it wrong by adding the extra letters at the end. The brilliant teacher had given him a zero out of twenty, not that I cared.

After listening to her complaints, I gently asked her who Lakshmi was. She looked shocked and asked me why I wanted to know. I told her about what my son had asked. Suddenly her eyes filled with tears. “Did he ask you to be her mother?” she asked again, and when I said yes, the tears just rolled down. “You know, we have three kids from an orphanage nearby. They have sponsors who fund their education, but as you know the fees are high, and these kids have special needs. We have not let the kids or anyone know about it, lest they be treated any differently. Lakshmi is an orphan and has a learning disability and lot of behavioral issues as well. I don’t know how he knew about this.” That day when I got back home and saw my son, I knew God had sent a piece of himself to my home.

About the Author
She has written the book ‘Decoded’, a fiction on autism and narcissism. An ex-banker with 20 years’ experience in finance, and a mother of a 28-year-old adult son with autism and 17-year-old daughter, she voices out her experiences and her growth as a mom of a special kid. With a passion to bring acceptance and awareness towards Autism, she finds ways to sensitize parents and general public.