Why do I feel lonely on New Year’s Day?
And many people I know say the same thing. The reasons can be many. I can probably name three major reasons. The first – It’s a big celebration of a tradition. We see advertising everywhere: Family get togethers, Christmas trees, gifts, festive dinners and what not. Most movies and videos that are made around the theme of New Year’s and celebrations are about family. If a person does not have a family, or has few relatives, and no children or partner, this person may have an increased feeling of loneliness during such a period, simply because everyone has a family everywhere, and you have no one to share this joy with. The feeling of “I’m not at ease, I’m alone, damn it” – and sadness. This may tend to escalate, especially during such times. It’s just a period when everything is the same everywhere and sometimes celebrations are just in your face that you cannot escape it.

The second reason is similar to the first, but slightly different. Konrad Lorenz wrote about this. New Year is a ritual, in general ritual is very important, and New Year is probably the largest ritual that exists in the world, simply top 1. Any ritual has its own setting and rules. For example, on New Year’s Day you can hardly walk around with a sour face, unhappy and ruin the holiday for everyone. You either have to agree with these rules or admit that you are an outsider. And if a person has some terrible things going on in his life – for instance a business collapses, a divorce, or something that is difficult to combine with the New Year’s protocol – a person can really find himself lonely. Because it seems like you need to smile, but there is no energy to smile, there is no desire; you are facing a difficult phase in your life. Therefore, you can remain very lonely during such a period.

And the last reason is the most obvious: the bell of nostalgia that simply rings in our heads, in our hearts. It’s the onset of a New Year, but it will no longer be the same as it was in your childhood. There may be memories, faith in Santa Claus, a feeling of miracle, gifts under the Christmas tree – but as adults we are not fascinated by all that anymore. There may not be such leisurely holidays, and it turns out that you need to organise these holidays and celebrations on your own, and ideally take care of your children too. Those who have children need to create that celebratory mood, but when we were children we received all these holidays and celebrations without having to think of them. That is a big difference. We were only at the receiving end. We were the recipients of all this pampering, but now we have to generate a flamboyant atmosphere both for ourselves and for those around us. Sometimes this may no longer be as exciting as one may think it to be. Why not make it heal you? Try creating a holiday for others to cure yourself? Sometimes creating the joy of a celebration or a holiday for your dear ones can also cure loneliness. Try it!

How to let go of all the bad things?
There is no fast way out for this. The psyche is like the body: if you are injured, you cannot say: “That’s it, from tomorrow there will be no wound, from tomorrow, in the New Year, everything will be different!” That’s not how it works and people get stuck on negativity. It’s not like “Men in Black”, where there’s a memory eraser, the button is pressed and that’s it, all unwanted stuff will be gone from your life. We need time to cope with it.

It’s probably better to focus not on the fact that the New Year will bring us completely new things, but rather on the fact that the New Year, and several days around it, is a good time when you can take a break from problems, relax, gain resources, and deal with these problems successfully, more constructively and more productively. I practice counseling and with the help of EMDR protocol we work to get rid of all the negative feelings even though they have been accumulating over many years. I would definitely advise everyone to try it, so that in the coming New Year you feel refreshed, happier and healthier with a steady belief in yourself and be more open to new endeavors. Happy New Year!