What was your early life like?
I grew up in Leningrad, it was Soviet time in 1983 and both my parents were teachers, an academic background that shaped who I became. As a child, I had quite an authoritarian father, tough in a domestic setting and horrid to be around. It was traumatic and I had to always prove myself to earn his love and never felt enough. It’s familiar for many of us whose parents want the best from us and are over demanding. This approach does not make any kid perfect but rather lose confidence. It’s deeply wrong and our duty as adults is to heal the trauma in the truer sense of ‘I am enough’.

Kiss of the Whale is based on your personal life, what motivated you to write it?
I was always a journalist who loved to articulate different subjects by writing. When the severely traumatic divorce happened, it ended up as a parental alienation and abduction case. My ex-husband’s family took my daughter away from me to another city and made it hard for me to travel there and face the court hearings which could be easily corrupted. I was not earning enough money and administrative resources can make impact on the judges and legal system. My ex-husband was weaponizing the legal system, he knew how to use it against me.

Many partners or ex-partners with narcissistic tendencies indulge in post-separation abusive behaviour and I faced that tribulation, injustice. I started to write my first book to restore my sanity as it could destroy me mentally, physically and I felt so devastated. Writing became my personal psychotherapy. What I faced was parental alienation, the same algorithms all over the world irrespective of religion, nationality or social status.

My first book ‘Louder than Silence’ was popular and the first book about the problem in Russia and became a reference point for parental alienation for many years. My second book shares my personal journey of self-healing and severe pain that I had overcome. It would be a road map for other victims, this book is universal on how we can bring peace to our soul and light a lamp of love.

Why did you bring in the allegory of the whale?
The metaphor of the whale became healing, I was able to encounter this whale during meditation. Apparently, I was swimming with the whales and became one of them. What was most profound was I realised that no matter the distance whales are able to send a message across long distances, so they never feel lost or alone. In a vast ocean, that metaphor gave me the sense of realisation that though me and my daughter are separated in the physical world, we are able to hear and send messages at different levels like the whales. This connection enabled me to channel so much of animal wisdom, they are making such a great impact on life on earth that we don’t even know about. As I researched more, I felt more connected with this animal, it became my spirit animal, and I even got a tattoo of a whale. I like to use the metaphor in my book a lot, in fact I created a concept of the evolution of our consciousness as I believe our consciousness is exactly where evolution is happening, and whales were my teachers in my journey.

I make the concept of evolution in human consciousness from the plankton level, from the surface, from being a victim by going with the flow and not making any decision in your life, being helpless; floating on a surface, and then going deeper and basically, eventually becoming the whale. It doesn’t just go with the flow, but creates its own flow, making an impact, saving the planet, being peaceful, graceful, and a great example of this as a power is humbleness.

So I used to say in my book, that a whale used to kiss our boat without us even noticing, which means that we never know what situation in our life is going to benefit us in the future. We don’t know what experience that we have can help us to grow and expand and if we look at this from the perspective that the whale is kissing our boat, every time it struggles from something. Then we may be open to beautiful experiences.

You have spoken about your abusive husband, can you elaborate about his background and about your marriage?
It took me many years and a lot of Degrees in psychotherapy and psychology to realise that abuse has so many different shapes and it can be hard to recognise in many cases. In my case, with my first husband, I felt it was not a marriage, a union of two adults but two infants in the psychological sense. I believe marriage must wait till 30 because in your twenties you are too young to pick the right partner and ensure values and vision for the future and parental strategies align. Soon after my marriage, I felt alone. For my husband, it was more about status rather than content, for me, I wanted to be living the union not pretend. Abuse really started when I declared I wanted to divorce him, he did not want it. He took it as personal offense and took it as me leaving him, it became a big trigger. His post-abusive separation behaviours came to the point he wanted to erase me from his life and not just from his life from my daughter’s too. He used my daughter as his personal crutch and weapon.

Why did you have to flee your country?
When that abduction case started in 2010 and I couldn’t see and talk with my daughter, I couldn’t have any legal services to to help me meet her as the one parent was hiding her and realised how broken the legal system is. In many countries one parent can abuse this power, and do as they please with the kid. Block a kid from another parent, they are free to do so. This is basically legal as it’s not being criminally charged. I was fighting hard, using all my resources as a journalist, mother, and a public figure. I did all this on a legal, political level, even walking on television many times. I tried to change this situation, even in a legal field, I tried to use the law. I even hired a private detective to find my daughter, I didn’t know where she was, I didn’t know if she went to school, or a daycare. Whether she was sick and how she handled her trauma from being deprived of her mother. I didn’t know anything, but it was a lot of fake documents, it was oppressive legal system against me. It was also weaponizing of the child and telling her how bad and how dangerous her mother was. This only got worse over 4 years. I lost my friends, my family and property, as all the family worked against me. They threatened me and wanted me dead. They had allegations against me and fabricated evidence against me and filed charges for crime. All these are in my first book ‘Louder than silence’. This pushed me to flee my country as it was a matter of life and death, and my survival instinct kicked in. I knew that if I stayed I wouldn’t be alive.

How have your struggles shaped your life?
Pain has made me a victim in this situation and victimization prevented me from taking charge and reclaiming my power. To overcome this victimhood, I wrote the book ‘Kiss of the whale’. It is about self-empowerment and how to restore your life after experiencing severe trauma like parental alienation. Books are my only means of communicating with my daughter. I keep writing letters to her throughout my journey. I know some day she would want to reach out, to know her mother better. I wanted to express myself the best way possible, to do this I have to understand myself and get in touch with the part of myself that shattered and was broken. I wanted to heal and I realized that it was my own responsibility to do so. As soon as I opened up, life became a healing setting for me. This is very important as trust issues are one of the common trauma responses. I wanted to trust again.

Do you still live with fear?
Of course not, that was another big decision to make. It is a major decision for each one of us to choose between love and fear. Fear prevents us from living and blocks us from love and other beautiful things. Choosing trust and love keeps us sane. I worked hard on self-healing to be able to keep my heart open and to live without fear.

Are there some practical steps or daily practices you recommend for people beginning their journey of transformation?
The kiss of the whale is not only a collection of travelogues but a journey of healing. This makes the book unique as it is a multidimensional text of personal transformation, meditation, and practices necessary and universal to people with trauma that they experience who want to activate their inner healing. With all the pain and trauma in our lives, we have to be open to allow the force into us and allow ourselves to heal. Trauma can decapacitate us in ways we are unaware of. This book is providing those different tools, advices, and practices to everyone. After each chapter, you can find keys. Keys are the concentration and practical advice that everyone can use for their own benefit and practical healing. All it takes is awareness and an open heart.

Have you had any readers who came up and told you about any transformation?
I have very good feedback from my readers and one of the best, most popular reviews received was that I don’t want the book to end. It gave me so much healing and capacity. It almost like a frequency that people can receive. It’s great I channeled this book from my heart and want others to feel the love.