What we tell ourselves is our reality, the mind perceives it to be the absolute truth, and the body in accordance emulates the emotions that fit, not knowing how to differentiate that which is real or not, hence defining your life experience.

When in a relationship, all one expects is for it to be beautiful, fulfilling and mutually nourishing, but in reality, this being true all the time is an unrealistic expectation. It’s impossible for everyone to fit into the same box, be it with regard to temperament, character or expectations. When this is mandated, it will lead to disappointments, anger and resentments. The relevance of which come into play when you are the one out of the box, leading you to the question WHY ME?

When healthy, one often enjoys it while it lasts, and in time forgets the consistent work and habits in accordance to age that kept it real. When something goes wrong, something beyond our control but something that we invited, the question that lingers in our minds remains WHY ME?

When all is well at work and we are heard and accepted, it’s great. But in the process we forget that we are just a part of the whole, which is a collaborative effort culminating towards a goal that’s carefully scripted through negotiations of thought and ideas. When unheard, we withdraw, feel tormented, feel let down and disappointed, and in our mind the question resonates: WHY ME?

To be and become what we aspire to the untold mantra of a life fulfilling often leaves us felling entitled and ignorant of the reality that everything that happens is well beyond our participation and control, as there are infinite variables at play from people, purpose, circumstances and timing to name a few. Leading to variable outcomes, and not all of it can be to one’s own liking. It’s the WHY ME question that victimizes you and stops you from seeing and knowing better; that we are NOT the VICTIM and don’t have to feel like one.

There is a need to change perspectives to see and feel differently, and I would like to present a few that have worked well for me:

• You are not as important as you think.
• People are not thinking of you; they think of themselves.
• Drop the idea that you are being judged all the time.
• Don’t wish for relationships or conversations to be a certain way.
• You are not being watched; people are distracted with their own lives.
• Don’t expect people to understand what you have not spoken.
• Don’t expect people to completely understand what you have spoken either.
• Don’t hold yourself to unrealistic standards; nobody cares and neither should you.
• Outcomes are just outcomes; don’t wish for things to be a certain way.
• Be okay with things not going your way.

One could adopt a “HOW COME” instead of a “WHY ME” approach to shift one’s emotional experience from being a victim to being hopeful and that which facilitates learning. Our progression will depend on us isolating hurdles and having an impersonal approach to address and evolve to know better, for in being a victim we have nothing to gain.

Leaving you with a quote by Ernest Hemingway that helped me choose better:

“The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places.”

Being a survivor is a decision, that I encourage each one of you to make.

Ajith Anirudhan
Life Empowerment Coach
“THE LISTENER” |TEDx Speaker| Author & Public Speaker
ACC™ | CCA – International Coaching Federation (USA)