n August 12th, Manjunath stabbed an ex-classmate at a college in Moobidri with a pair of scissors for rejecting his romantic proposal. However, unfortunately this is not an isolated incident. Time and again, we have heard of women and girls being assaulted or even murdered for rejecting romantic and marriage proposals.
In India, the issue of assault against women who decline romantic advances remains a major concern. Our society and our norms, our patriarchal system and cultural attitudes prevalent in India allow for a dangerous environment for our women. Women’s choices are disregarded and we need to change the very mindset of Indian men into thinking that they are not superior to women in any way and that can be done only with social awareness and attitudes, legal reforms and improved support systems for women in India.

What goes through the mind of a rejected man? This could be quite complex, the emotions could range from anger, frustration, hopelessness to despair. The reason is that when the human brain is faced with rejection, it cannot handle, as rejection is one of our deepest human fears”. Every one of us has the biological inclination to belong, this could be to a family, a group of friends, a community or society at large. Rejection hits hard, it brings down one’s value and is a hit on the ego. In a patriarchal society, men have been brought up with a sense of entitlement and can’t handle assertive women.

To combat this, there should be an overhaul starting with the legal system, which should provide a clear definition of certain unacceptable behaviours from men and more severe punishments for crimes such as harassment and assault. The laws must explicitly state the penalties for such violence, ensuring that women who decline romantic advances are protected. By making the punishment so quick and severe, men should think twice before assaulting a woman in these cases.

Education plays a vital role in changing societal attitudes and preventing violence. Men must be taught from a young age to respect women and treat them with the equality they deserve.

Upbringing plays a huge role in the perception of a woman in a man’s eyes and that can be done only by the family, especially the parents. The parents can do this by treating their son and daughter equally, which promotes gender equality from their childhood years. Schools should inculcate values and morals to their students from a young age (bring back the Moral Science period), regarding gender sensitivity and equality of the sexes.

Empowering women and providing them the assurance of a support system which addresses the issue of violence against those women who reject a man’s unwanted romantic advances, will assure the woman that she is safe.

The role of media is very important as they can start to downplay the objectification of women and start to portray them in a more positive way. Celebrities can also play their part in influencing public opinion on how to treat a women with respect and dignity.

It is essential to address the psychological issues that drive men to behave in such an entitled matter. Some men may react violently to rejection due to low self-esteem, low self-confidence or low self-worth or control issues in some cases. Not being able to manage or regulate their emotions can be another psychological factor in why men react so poorly to rejection from the opposite sex. Individual Programs designed to teach emotional regulation and stress management techniques can be beneficial in preventing aggressive behaviour. Men should be taught to replace their misconceptions about entitlement and control with empathy, understanding, respect and equality. Psychotherapy and counseling can be instrumental in helping individuals develop resilience and self-acceptance, reducing the incidences of assault and violence. It is therefore essential for men to have access to psychological support services to regain their sense of control and seek help to talk about their psychological issues like low self and low self-worth and find ways to cope with them in a more productive manner rather than reacting violently to women who reject them.

Psychologically informed media campaigns that can highlight the importance of consent and the emotional impacts of harassment on women will contribute significantly to changing men’s perceptions regarding women.

As a Psychologist, I feel India needs a comprehensive psychological approach that addresses individual behaviors, societal attitudes, and cultural norms. By focusing on enhancing self-esteem, emotional regulation, and gender sensitivity for men and by providing them the right psychological support, we can foster a safer and more respectful environment for women.

By doing this, society can work towards eliminating violence and ensuring that women’s autonomy and choices are respected and upheld.

HOW TO COPE UP WITH REJECTION:
Accept: Rejection is a part of life. Understand that it’s not just you but that it happens to everyone.

Acknowledge your feelings: Allow yourself to feel sad, disappointed or frustrated and don’t get judgemental.

Do something new: Take your mind off the rejection, do something new like trying out a new hobby or getting a makeover.

Get support: If you find it overwhelming, meet a mental health professional who can help you process things better.

Talk about your feelings: Do not withdraw into a shell. Share your feelings with trusted friends or family.