Mental health for ages has always been associated with women, seldom is it associated with men and I wonder why, because according to the World Health Organization, in the year that went by the number of men dying by suicide is alarmingly higher than that of women.

Going by my own observation, the number of men who come to me for therapy is much lesser than that of women, so when I came across this particular statistical data it was quite contradicting which made me really think, why are men hesitant to seek help?

When my son was born, I remember people tell the new born ‘oh don’t cry, men don’t cry’ that was the first and the last time anyone told him that, I stepped up and I told them ‘It’s ok, he can cry as much as he wants, it’s not going to make him any less of a man’.
Men from birth are asked to be strong and are expected to behave in a certain way, no crying, no emotional display of grief, just act strong even when you are trembling from within. There is so much social stigma surrounding men and their mental health, they are always expected to stay stoic, clam and hide any kind of emotions.

Men’s mental health often remains under-discussed due to deeply ingrained societal expectations of stoicism, traditional definitions of masculinity that view vulnerability as weakness, and a lack of early emotional conditioning. This creates a silent barrier where men feel pressured to internalise distress rather than seek support.

Society has lot of toxicities associated with men who are struggling with their mental health, they are viewed as weak and are brutally shamed. Leave alone professional help I think the reason many men are afraid of opening up even to a friend or close family is because they feel the person will jeopardise their mental health struggles later on in an argument.
Let me put down a few common statements I have heard from men who don’t want to seek help:

I can handle it myself
I feel embarrassed
People will tease me
What if someone finds out?
I don’t want to burden anyone
I don’t want to look weak
I don’t know whom to talk to.

The above are the most common ones and somehow these are not voluntary statements, they are the result of constant conditioning.

Apart from the stigma associated and the societal expectations, men shy away from seeking help because of their provider nature, men often feel immense pressure to fulfil traditional roles as financial providers and protectors, making personal failure or stress feel unacceptable.

Compared to women, men show evident symptoms of mental illness. While there isn’t a different sort of ‘male mental illness’, some symptoms are more evident in men than women. These include irritability, sudden anger, increased loss of control, risk-taking and aggression. Men may also be more likely to go into substance abuse to cope with their emotional struggles rather than talking about it. They may use escapist behaviour too, such as throwing themselves into their work.

Talking about mental health can be scary, but there has to be a beginning, start with:

Choose whom to talk: Some people may find it easier to share their feelings with a close, trusted loved one, while others may find it easier to speak with a stranger, such as a psychologist.

Plan your conversation: Think about what you want to say before starting. It may help to start with one or two small details; there is no rush to say everything in one conversation.

Be honest: Although there is no pressure to share everything at once, being honest about your feelings can help.

Communicating with others about mental health and disclosing one own’s mental distress is often difficult for men, but we can all help by:

Letting them know you’re there to listen to them without judgement

Someone who is experiencing mental health problems may find it hard to reach out, so try to keep in touch. A text message or a phone call could make a big difference.

Help them to get help. Reassure them it’s okay to ask for help and that support is out there.

You could help them contact a mental health professional or accompany them to their appointment if they want you to.
The expectation that men should not show emotions, express vulnerability, or ask for help has pushed them too far in suppressing their emotions, many a times mental health is neglected so badly till it’s too late. The idea that men must be independent and self-reliant to solve all problems on their own without seeking support or help should be far from instilled. Breaking stereotypes down helps create a supportive environment to address men’s mental health needs without fear, stigma, or judgment. As a society, we should provide safe spaces for men to discuss their feelings and share their experiences openly.

Men’s mental health is not just about individual well-being, it is about creating a more inclusive, empathetic, and supportive environment. By dismantling stereotypes around men’s emotional well-being, we can help save lives, improve relationships, and promote gender equality. Supportive changes in perception will help break the silence around men’s mental health