Initially when people used to tell me, ‘Oh how can you be so selfish’ I used to wonder, what I did wrong? As time passed, I started giving much less weightage to people’s opinions but I started analysing the situations that lead people to think that I could be selfish.

We as a society had always nurtured the idea of being selfless, being selfless automatically translated to being a good person. I have seen people through my career and personal life going to unbelievable extents to keep someone happy. When we do something out of our own will and which is in our limits is an ok thing, but going way beyond one’s capacity is not good. It’s just not increasing expectations but also pressurising oneself into doing something out of capacity, which is a clear case of lack of boundaries.

Prioritising oneself is not a sin, it is the ultimate way of self-love. Self-love is not just about loving oneself; it’s about accepting and appreciating the self – a positive approach to life. It involves setting healthy boundaries, forgiving your mistakes, and committing to personal growth. Ultimately, it means treating yourself with the same kindness and respect you would naturally offer to someone close.

Self-love is a slow process, it’s not something that happens overnight, it takes a lot of patience, consistency and commitment to self.

The one thing I get to hear repeatedly from my clients is that, they just want to be happy and rightfully they should be happy. Life definitely is not easy and could be unfair at times but one thing that can really help us sail through is not being harsh on ourself. Most of us are judgmental but the sad part is we judge ourself more than we judge others. We run the incidents that happened in our head over and over and keep imagining scenarios of how it could have happened better or if the situation could have been different. This constant over thinking and self-judging is an issue in itself and will make you exhausted and sad. Half the time, we would have been at home, would have done nothing but still will feel tired and upset, thanks to the over thinking.

Happiness is not something you search outside, it’s something within and it all starts with minor adjustments and habits like:

The first and foremost thing is to stop comparing yourself with others. Different people have different capabilities; they may fare better or worse than you. It is good to be competitive but setting a standard and trying to achieve it based on someone else’s achievements can be dangerous. You do the best you can and results will follow no matter what. Over obsession on results can bring you down.

Do not let other people’s opinion pull you down. People pleasing will only harm you than do any good. Listen to your consciousness and do what you feel is right.

It’s ok to make mistakes, all of us do. No one is perfect and we are all allowed to make mistakes, that is how we learn. Do not be harsh on yourself to achieve flawlessness in one go.

Be body positive, how you look should not be how people value you. Work on your body because you want to and not because you need to impress someone.

Do not be afraid to let go off people who are bringing in toxicity. Sometimes it is better to be off alone than being with people who will bring you down.

Do not reject your fears, try embracing it. If the fears are too big like a phobia please get professional help.

Do not depend on others to make decisions for you always. Trust that you are capable of making good decisions. Take all that you can, every opportunity that comes your way. If you do not want to, don’t force yourself to be in unhappy place because someone else wants you to.
As we accept the little joys of our life, the same way we should feel the pain life brings in, procrastinating the pain only prolongs it and makes it harder to heal.

Be stern on your well thought about decisions and do not let people shame you for it or talk you out of it.
The next two are the most important ones, first being putting yourself first and the next is being kind to yourself.
Put yourself first: do not feel shame in doing this, especially women are taught from a very young age to be selfless and are made accustomed to putting others first, there is a time and place for it but at times you have to prioritise yourself, because always prioritising others may cost you your emotional well-being. Take some time out for yourself, do things you like even if it is just lazing on bed, do it, it’s ok, but take a break and recharge yourself so you are ready to take on the world.

Be kind to yourself: the world as it throws multiple things on us, it’s a daily battle. The least we can do it to be kind to ourself. Occasionally tell yourself that it’s ok to be not ok or it’s ok to fail but make sure to bounce back with more vigour. Take your time to do things, treat yourself with empathy and kindness like you will do for another person in the same situation.

Self-love is not an overnight miracle; it’s something that evolves with you giving yourself that time to explore and accept yourself. Life can be hard at times, but never give up on yourself, learn your worth and live life king size.