Recently I was watching a series where I heard this term, “may be, he is your bad pancake”. The character goes on to explain, that a bad pancake is someone whom you meet after a long serious relationship, more like a rebound whom you may not end up with.

Few days passed and I encounter this term again on Instagram. This time it really got my curiosity. I was thinking to myself about all the new Gen Z terms there is. Purely out of curiosity, I decided to google the term and to my surprise I find out it’s not a Gen Z term at all but something that has been there for ages.

So, what exactly is the bad pancake theory?
When we make a fresh batch of pancakes, usually the first one does not come out well and mostly end up burned or scrambled, the same way, the first relationship after a serious one is bound to be a hurtful failure.
“Bad Pancake, the theory that your first guy after a serious relationship will end in epic failure. Doomed from the start. Like the first pancake you try to make during breakfast, it ends up overcooked, undercooked or just burned” quoting from the Urban Dictionary.

Though this is not a theory I will advocate for, it definitely is an interesting perspective to look at dating after divorce or a serious long-term relationship.

Usually after a bitter break up, the person is quite vulnerable and chances of falling for someone who shows a little love and empathy is higher than when a person is in a sane state of mind. It’s like wearing rosy glasses. Everything about this new person will look beautiful, fresh and exciting. The real task is to sustain the relationship, keep the excitement going. Of course, relationships whenever that happens is not a bed of roses but it is about choosing the same person over and over. When it comes to relationships, both the partners must be at a place where they are healed and open heartedly welcoming one another into their lives, this is a healthy place where personal and professional growth happens.

There is no set time frame, it all depends from person to person as to when they want to step into another relationship. With the onsite of multiple dating apps finding a new partner is not a tough task at all, and there is no right or wrong when it comes to wanting to commit to a new relationship.

Here are the few common reasons why a person jumps into another relationship ASAP

Loneliness: In long term relationships what happens is that the dependency towards the partner is very high, there is always a plus one to tag on. When the relationship breaks there is a void, there is no plus one but a longing for companionship.

Validation: When you are the one who is being dumped the need to seek validation or to prove a point is very high. The ego of ‘how can this happen to me’ is high and the mind needs that validation to feed the ego.

Confiding partner: More than a partner you need a cribbing bag, someone whom you can crib about why it all went down the drains and how perfect you were and how blind your partner was not to see the perfectness.

Trial run: Mostly the first relationship after a long term one is like a trial run, like testing the waters to see if you are still up for a relationship and if all your emotional bridges are bridged.

Distractions: Many relationships break because it’s used as a distraction to escape the pain, once the pain heals so is the interest in the newly found love.

Unhealed baggage: Because the break up is fresh and healing is still in process, there will always be a subconscious comparison to your ex which makes the new relationship extremely difficult to succeed.

When you step back onto the dating scene, your emotions are usually tangled. You haven’t quite figured out what next or what you are really looking for in your partner. You are adjusting to being single and often project what you miss about your ex onto the first person who shows you consistent attention. As a result, the dynamic becomes more of an emotional transition phase rather than a foundation for a lifelong partnership.

Not all relationships are perfect, some people enter our life to show us, what still hurts, they expose the attachment which you thought, you have buried. That’s why in this phase you secretly miss your ex more and want to get in touch or think about how things would have been different with them. This is a dangerous phase which has to be buried, there is always a reason why your ex is your ex, going back to them is like pulling out the dead skeletons.

The first person you date after a breakup is not a disposable, nor a test run, the bad pancake theory exists to explain the timing and not to validate your emotional chaotic behaviour.

The bad pancake theory is really just a reminder that messy dating phases are normal after a long-term relationship ends. Your first attempt at love after heartbreak might not turn into your forever person, and that’s okay.

And not every first pancake fails. Sometimes, you actually get it right the first time. Plenty of people end up with the first person they date after divorce or heartbreak. Keep your heart open, and your so-called pancake might surprise you…May love find you.