How does one get matched on Tinder? This is a tough question. It is an ambiguous question. It is a stupid question. Ask not what Tinder can do for you, but how you can avoid being a creepy dude.
As a heterosexual man, I have had a fairly good time on Tinder. I have been on it for quite a while and thankfully I have been on quite a few really good dates.
I am an engineer. Data is my thing. I have to know with every date what I did right, what I did wrong and here is what I have learnt so far.
A woman’s intuition:
understand it, respect it.
A woman can smell desperation from a mile away. Don’t be desperate. If you are the kind of person who is just going with the flow on Tinder, whether it’s a date, a good chat over the phone, a relationship, or just sex… you will scare fewer women. Do not have a goal or an agenda while talking to a woman. Speak to her like a person, a person you are getting to know, and let the magic unfurl.
Do not immediately ask to meet.
A man’s greatest fear on Tinder is: I hope she looks like her pictures. A woman’s greatest fear on Tinder is: I hope he is not a rapist and murderer.” Do you see how vastly unbalanced those fears are? Be nice; show her you are not going
to hurt her.
Keep it short.
The first time you meet, keep the meeting short. This is so that the both of you can gauge how much you like each other’s company. Meet for a quick coffee. At the end of the coffee tell her that you only met for 15minutes, so she could decide whether she would like to hang out with you more and vice versa, and then ask her if she’d like to meet again. If she says yes… good… you can now plan a proper date. If she says anything besides that, I would ask you to tread carefully and not pester her.
The real date.
DO.NOT.TRY.TO.GET.HER.DRUNK. If you want to ‘score’ you had best do it with her consent. When a person is drunk, they are unable to give consent. That is rape. Now, let’s revisit those drinks. It is absolutely fine to meet for drinks. It is absolutely fine to get hammered out of your wits. But you are an educated person. Don’t let your willy be drunk too. Chances are if you guys get drunk, you will have a super fun time (even without sex). Say your goodbyes and go home like a good boy. Trust me. If there is consent without being under the influence of alcohol, well, you’re one of the good, smooth guys.
“Dude Vikram, this is a hookup app. What you said is so much work.”
First of all, courting (‘flirting’) isn’t work. It’s fun. Enjoy it. Secondly, over the years there are two things I have realised. Women want sex as much as, if not more than, men. And the only way they will show you that they want sex, is if they feel comfortable and safe. There is nothing more beautiful than a woman opening up to you. And you will also see her uninhibited sexual side.
You had better bring you’re a-game for that side of her. Cos she will eat you alive. I can see you smile. Now work that charm off, so your Tinder game works for you. And don’t forget: always respect her and place her consent above everything else.
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